15th October 2015.
Yes. I am still alive.
There have been months since the last time I've posted, and a lot of things have happened since then.
I am now at University. I am also working. And I hate both.
I know it is not an excuse, but I've been so down lately that I didn't want to do anything at all. I just went to classes, studied, and then on weekends worked.
As I supposed when I picked it, the degree I'm doing is not what I really want to do. As in Barcelona there is no option for those as me that want to study English Literature I had to pick a degree called English Studies that includes history -which is the only subject I currently love-, grammar, syntax, linguistics, phonetics, and the next year literature. I have never liked the analysis of language and as you can see most of the subjects I'm doing are related to that.
Unless I finally find a scholarship to go and study in the UK I'm stuck here for at least 2 years more.
Then there is work. I work in a supermarket on Fridays and Saturdays. It pays well and the hours are not so bad, but the fact that I don't stop in the whole week makes me freak out. I am at Uni or working from Monday to Saturday and then on Sunday I have to do the homework and readings for the coming week. I just do not stop.
There you have the main reasons why I have disappeared. I don't want to do anything. I've been thinking on dropping Uni, but that would do no good. I can't drop work because is the only chance I have to study where I really want.
My life is a dilemma.
On the mornings I am at the subway on my way to uni I really think about all these things. Also, I wonder what is wrong with me and why everyone is capable of finding a real friend, a best friend, and I here stuck alone, incapable of connecting with any of the girls I've known at Uni. Yes, I go with them in classes, but I have no one to talk, to feel comfortable with or to hang out with.
Well, I think I've rambled enough for now and I know this is not a good post to come back and nearly anyone is going to read it but live is like this, and sometimes not everything is as good as you wished it was.
Promise, I will come back with my usual posts soon.
Love,
Laura.
